Do you find yourself tongue tied while people around you are happily engaged in interesting conversations? Light chatter, deep chats and effective networking are rooted in good conversation skills. Do your conversation skills need a tune up? Would you rather text or email than make a phone call or speak face to face? Do you avoid social
interaction? Fearful of mix & mingles / office wine & cheese parties? Talking – how did it get so complicated? What was once natural may now seem challenging for many adults. As fluency with tech devices increases, our interpersonal relationships may wane unless we engage regularly with others. Sometimes we get so busy with our fingers and devices that we forget how to use our voices.
The ability to engage in meaningful conversations with others is important, and has implications for your social life, relationships and career.
Being a self-confessed tech junkie is great, but balance is everything. One needs effectively relate to people in interviews, elevators, offices, boardrooms, organizations and at social events. Your success depends on it!
Here are tips to help you overcome the top five conversation barriers:
I’m shy
Being shy is temporary. You can change it by choosing to open up about your life, your thoughts, ideas, interests and goals. Even if you were shy as a child or teen, you don’t have to be shy for the rest of your life. Choose to become an interesting person and then you’ll have lots to share with other people. Confidence will come through practice. Challenge yourself to talk to someone new each day, someone… anyone: a cashier, a co-worker, a neighbour or a person in line. You’ll be amazed how your confidence will improve and your voice will soon resound with enthusiasm rather than fear.
I don’t know how to start a conversation
Three easy tips are to comment, compliment and ask an open ended question:
Comment on your environment [mutual interest, shared experience]
- Beautiful weather today huh? What a lovely venue! Have you been here before?
Compliment the person you wish to talk with [everyone loves a compliment, choose one item, don’t go overboard and don’t be fake. Only give sincere compliments]
- Awesome tie! I’ve been admiring your shoes, where did you get them? Cool jacket.
Open ended questions [keep your questions light and appropriate]
- How are you doing today? What brings you to Toronto? How do you know the bride?
I don’t know what to say
Start by becoming informed about current events. What’s happening in your city? How can you relate to a particular news story or trend? Are you excited about something new this season? What are your favorite sports/interests/hobbies? Everyone likes something. Be natural, be yourself, smile and start chatting today!
Why bother?
Taking the time to talk to others opens a world of possibilities and opportunities. People around you will find you engaging, confident, interesting and likeable. Influential people (business owners, managers etc.) like to hire, promote and reward people exhibiting these positive characteristics. A winning personality and great conversation skills can lead to invitations to join a committee, work on new projects, partnerships, conferences, learning opportunities, a promotion and referrals for premium business and service providers. Conversations can also result in effective networking for your dream job. Tap into the hidden job market through chats with colleagues, family and friends. Get your elevator speech ready! You never know who you’ll meet and where you’ll meet them.
They’ll judge me
A conversation should flow naturally between two or more parties. If you’re anxious about being judged, think about what you can do to improve your weaknesses. For example, if you’re worried about your accent, take steps to correct it. Perhaps you would benefit from a Pronunciation class or English tutor. There are lots of affordable options, classes and resources in the GTA. Take time to build your vocabulary by reading often and taking vocabulary quizzes in Readers Digest. Watch documentaries on a range of topics. Check out inspiring biographies online. If you’re worried about the tone of your speech, try to be more polite, diplomatic and respectful. If you’re worried about having something to talk about (content), research a couple of good conversation topics before leaving home for an important meeting or event.
Get out there and start talking!
Liz Wilson-Ciconte is a Mississauga based communications instructor, life coach and writer. liz@makeadifferencetoday.ca
3 comments:
Not relevant to someone with a social disability -ie, Asperger's Syndrome.
I think this is a very good posting; most of us suffer from being reserved with our comments and not expressing ourselves in public/groups. It's always the ones that express themselves that would get noticed and recognized, while the quiet ones are often forgotten.
Thanks for posting this; this is like a reminder of the very reasons why I should continue find ways to improve my conversation skills and to conquer of expressing myself in front of the others.
Thank you for this article. It is certainly not easy being an introvert and shy in a world, specially the Western world that value the most outspoken and gregarious types.
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